the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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