she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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