Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Vodka?
Forever.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
