This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
