Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
