Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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