I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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