filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
