we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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