Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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