In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
