i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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