Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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