He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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