What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
ugly people sure do ruin things
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
