NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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