I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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