Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
