Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
