6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
