I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
