They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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