For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
