I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize