That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
