My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
