we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
