I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
