i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
