I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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