why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
