She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
