I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
