I've blown a few things in my day
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
