I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
