Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
