non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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