somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
