it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
