I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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