we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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