My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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