I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
