Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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