I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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