i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
