the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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