I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
