Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
