Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
